Woke in the night and looked out on the shadowy white world.
Argh! It is true. Wasn't a bad dream after all. I am surrounded by snow and ice and temperatures so low that the condensation of breath on my scarf freezes into crisp, brittle fuzz as I walk.
I am a snow queen trapped in an ice palace. Imprisoned by spears of ice.
Greetings of the lunar new year! In the Chinese calendar we move, with this new moon, into a Water Dragon year.
Right now, where I am, that water is manifesting hugely as ice and snow.
And yet and yet the dragon vitality is there, just beneath the surface, in buds. Waiting. Gathering strength, mustering forces.
Between storms I do a quick walkabout of the 'hood.
A hawk or two, crows and an arrowhead of geese fly across my sky. Geese this time of year? Hmmmm, strange.....south east was where this flock was heading. Geographically I came from far south and east of where I now am.
Maybe in this dragon year of opportunity, there's a fire rooster needs to follow the geese, find the way back to the source.
Like a bird on the wire Like a drunk in a midnight choir I have tried in my way to be free
Like a worm on a hook Like a knight from some old fashioned book I have saved all my ribbons for thee
If I, if I have been unkind I hope that you can just let it go by If I, if I have been untrue I hope you know it was never to you
Oh, like a baby, stillborn Like a beast with his horn I have torn everyone who reached out for me
But I swear by this song And by all that I have done wrong I will make it all up to thee
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch He said to me, "You must not ask for so much" And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door She cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"
Oh, like a bird on the wire Like a drunk in a midnight choir I have tried in my way to be free
I put up a variety of bird feeders in the garden tree, hoping to attract some colour and life to the bleak backyard. I was thinking lbj's: finches, grossbeaks, nuthatches, chickadees, that kind of thing. Little seed and suet munchers. This fat guy and his friend gatecrashed the party this morning. Northern Flickers! Ever the opportunists. My old friend the woodpecker come calling. Birthday messengers.
Saturday morning, needing an adapter for the washing machine, I walk down the road to the hardware store. I take the scenic route back to Halemakua , weaving a circuitous way all over the north eastern part of town.
Where I cross it, one of the other little rivers which run through town, possibly Payes Creek, is dark and reflective within its mantle of ice. I stand a while looking into the medicine bowl mirror of the water, wondering if there is a message in the shifting light. Trees and ripples and again that bluest of blues. I follow the train tracks a little way out of town letting the weak midday sun bathe my forehead. There is ice on the wind and I wonder if it is moist enough for snow. Too cold and dry, maybe. But there's that blue again: overarching skyblue.Searching for what has me in checkmate, I return to Halemakua where I take the Penelope cure: situate myself with a grandstand view of the birdfeeders, pile on the blankets and begin knitting a striped zigzag edged shawl. After unraveling a triangular shawl from the needles. One of these days I am going to finish something.
Sometimes the only chance for colour in these bleak, midwinter monochrome, January days is the brief flare at sunrise. Miss it and that's it for the day.
Through the western window I catch the just-over-full Wolf Moon setting in a chilly dawn while the neighbours, oblivious of the celestial display, get on with getting their day begun.
Another year. 2012. I dig out my purple Ganesha shirt, now eleven years old. I got it in Delhi with Rose, early January 2001. We were en route to Pushkar in Rajasthan, from the Dera in the Punjab.
Though marigolds are in short supply in midwinter in the mountains, I wear Ganapati dancing on his lotus for the first working day of the year: Lord of Beginnings, Remover of Obstacles. Dance me to the end of love.
I imagine thick ropes of marigold garlands glowing golden orange, as I trudge through the icy, colourless town. To work.
The river that runs through the little mountain town is a winding snake carrying me most often all the way to the Karen Blixen salt water of healing. The railway line is an arrow. A blade slicing across streets. Cutting neighbour from neighbour. Rattling windows and doors with a clamourous chuffing, a great clanging. Ripping through the midnight with the series of mournful whistles at each street. Piercing all the way to the heartland.
Straight on to eternity or the end of the week, whichever comes first.
Both bring me to the same end: the darkness at the edge of town.